Category Archives: Healthy Masculinity

Healthy Masculinity

Gender “common sense”?

What did you think when you saw Russell Wilson cry after the Seattle Seahawks won the NFC Championship Game? What were your thoughts when Ndamukong Suh cried after the Detroit Lions disappointing loss to the Dallas Cowboys? Our socialization of gender norms is so deeply connected to our expectations of individual behavior that we are surprised when men cry or when women are assertive. These gender norms or rules about masculinity and femininity are so accepted that they become “common sense”.  An Atlantic Magazine article about a “Stay-at home Dad” illustrates the false dichotomy of gender norms. Below is an excerpt:

“Nearly half of fathers report dissatisfaction with the amount of time that they are able to spend with their children—twice the rate of mothers who say the same. The gender-equality debate too often ignores this half of the equation. When home is mentioned at all, the emphasis is usually on equalizing burdens—not equalizing the opportunity for men, as well as women, to be there… There’s an underlying assumption that women and men have different visions of what matters in life—or, to be blunt about it, that men don’t find child-rearing all that rewarding, whereas women regard it as integral to the human experience. I do not think this assumption is true, generally speaking.”

The article above illustrates that both men and women want many of the same things. The popular culture notion that men and women are in competition or that being a man is the opposite of a woman leaves little choice for both men and women to break the gender rules. An assertive woman is called the “B word” and likewise a man expressing sadness is called a “whoosh” or worse.

Conversation starter: 

1. Socially when will stop labeling certain issues like “work-life balance” etc. as women’s issues?

2. Gender “common sense” states that only women really appreciate their relationships. If you identify as a man do you agree that actually many men value their relationships with family and friends?

 

Healthy Masculinity

Super Bowl Ads = Healthy Masculinity

During  Super Bowl XLIX there were a few commercials that showed nurturing, compassionate and loving images of dads. Although the goal of a commercial is to sell a product it was refreshing to see some healthier depictions of masculinity in these ads. The messages we usually receive from the media generally attempt to reinforce the “innate” differences between men and women. The ‘Like a Girl Campaign’ (which also had a commercial in the Super Bowl) is an example of media attempting to challenge our “common sense” understanding about the socialized perception of gender difference. Many young girls and women think of themselves as fast, strong and competitive. Ask any woman who is an athlete or CEO about these qualities. Many young boys and men think of themselves as kind, considerate and supportive. Ask any man who is a teacher or therapist about these qualities.

As Don McPherson says “We don’t raise boys to be men. We raise them not to be women”. Socially we generally define masculinity as the opposite of femininity. Being a man is often understood as not being a woman but if women can be warm, nurturing, compassionate and loving then can’t men have these qualities too? Many of us might laugh if someone said women can’t be strong, competitive and express leadership. We want both men and women to be able to have all of these positive qualities.

Conversation starter: 

  1. Socially when will we stop labeling certain qualities as masculine and feminine?
  2. If you identify as a man when you are behaving in a compassionate and caring manner do you consider these qualities as masculine, feminine or just positive qualities?
Gender Stereotypes, Healthy Masculinity

The American Man Box

The last few weeks we have been discussing the man box. Once again the man box actually does not describe the typical man but rather a stereotypical man. The man box is also context specific so the American Man Box is actually quite different from the Brazilian, French or Turkish Man Box. Each box has different rules or different answers to the question – What does it mean to be a man? One of the rules of masculinity for American men is Robert Brannon’s 3rd rule of masculinity:

  • “Be a male machine” – solve problems without help, maintain emotional self-control at all times, and never show weakness to anybody

This is a stereotype of what an American man should be. Many American men tend to break this rule when they do ask others for help, express their emotions and are vulnerable. Many men do not behave like machines. They are compassionate, caring and kind. They challenge the stereotype and break out of the man box. Many men display courage in breaking this rule. As Dr. Chris Kilmartin states “It takes a good deal of courage to negotiate one’s life without using the stereotypical road map of masculinity”.

Conversation starter: 

What are some differences you may have seen between the American Man box and other cultural versions of the man box?

 

Gender Stereotypes, Healthy Masculinity

The Man Box Pt. 2

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The man box is the socially accepted mindset of what a man should be. Once again the man box actually does not describe the typical man but rather the “ideal man”. In this way the man box is actually a fiction. The box includes rules about a type of a man who does not actually exist. We are socialized with messages about the “ideal man” (Captain America, Marlboro Man, Tom Brady, American Sniper Chris Kyle) that then becomes internalized. Externally and internally many men are trying to live up to a fictitious standard of masculinity. In April Dr. Chris Kilmartin will be coming to campus to discuss how the man box pressures men into behaving and experiencing themselves in gendered ways.

The man box or “cultural masculinity” shapes many aspects of our daily lives as illustrated on Friday at the Women’s Mentorship Program Event – Women and the Eating Clubs. The panel discussed how messages about gender are internalized by many men and women. The conversation demonstrated how our cultural norms reflect a dynamic process between socialization and internalization. Healthy masculinity is one response to the fiction of the man box and gender norms. As Don McPherson said “Healthy masculinity is men giving ourselves and each other the permission to be whole beings… to expand and add to the [man] box”.

Conversation starter: 

What are your observations about how the man box shapes our campus culture?

Gender Stereotypes, Healthy Masculinity

The Man Box

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The man box is the socially accepted mindset of what a man should be. The box includes many of the qualities that stereotypically describe men – strong, tough, unemotional, problem-solver etc. The man box actually does not describe the typical man but rather the “ideal man”. The box is the “perfect” encapsulation of what a man should always be. Dr. Chris Kilmartin talks about the man box as “cultural masculinity”. Kilmartin states that “cultural masculinity is a set of gender pressures placed on males”. Cultural masculinity socializes men into what is appropriate and inappropriate masculine behavior.

Interestingly cultural masculinity creates different rules of what it means to be a man. The different set of rules can depend upon a variety of factors e.g. country, historical period etc. So what it means to be an American Man is somewhat different than what it means to be a Brazilian or Cuban man. What it means to be a man in 2015 (Modern Family’s Phil Dunphy) is different than what it means to be a man in the 1950s (Mad Men’s Don Draper). Yet no matter the different factors the rules still exist.

Conversation starter: 

1. What do you think it means to be a man in 2015? What is our contemporary version of the man box?